It all started when I was in 12 years old. I've resorted to carrying my female clothes in my backpack, since my mom had gotten into the habit of ransacking my room in search of my clothes.
So anyway, I'm talking to a friend about my past weekend visiting my cousin in Perak when I look toward my backpack and to my horror, see one of my classmates, Rusdi, going through my "things." He looks up and into my eyes with a look of horror. I immediately jet towards him and try my best to silence him with whatever excuse I can muster at the last second. I'm 13 at the time so the best thing I could come up with then was that they were my cousin's clothes and that she must have left them in there accidentally. I seem to silence him with my endless stream of BS, but I know I'm screwed. The best I can do is damage control.
So the 2nd period class bell rings and I make a bee-line to the nearest restroom to destroy the evidence, but it is obvious that some of the things can't be flushed or disposed of discretely as there is a crowd of boys there with me. So I flush what I can and try to make it to the end of the day.
Third period class goes by without incident. I feel like I could make it to the end of the day. Just maybe.
So, I get to fourth period. The last class of the day, also my most hated subject: math. One of the other people there, Vellu, is a friend of the guy that went through my backpack earlier. Everything seems to be going well, but he keeps looking up at me every once in a while and then looks away.
Five minutes till the final bell rings and school is over. The class has begun to wind down and we're all getting ready to leave. Vellu walks over with his friend Palani. He tries to grab my backpack but I manage to snatch it away. I try to get away but he does something that will completely destroy my life for the next few years: he tells the teacher that I have women's clothing in my backpack.
I am officially screwed.
The bells rings and fortunately most of the other people in the class haven't heard the commotion because they were all talking loudly as they always do right before class lets out. The teacher, Mrs. Noraini, commands me to stay after class and orders me to empty out my backpack. I had gotten rid of almost everything, but there were one or two things left ( a dress and a blue bra). I could feel my heart struggling to pound its way out of my chest. I began to slowly take one book at a time out of the pack, stalling for time. As I did this, I positioned the last book on top of the remaining clothes. When I got to the last book I just said "That's it, there's nothing else other than that." She looks at me with a look of disgust, pauses, and then tells me to leave.
Needless to say, I RAN like I've never run before to my waiting car. I didn't sleep at all that night. Thoughts of all my classmates knowing my secret raced through my mind.
The next morning I waited for what I assumed would be something akin to a public lynching.
First period came. Nothing. Was it possible that this had all blown over already?
Nope. Come second period I get called into the vice principal's office. Mrs. Noraini had taken it upon herself to inform the Vice Principal of the previous day's incident. I am once again subjected to a search of my belongings by a security guard and then given a speech about how he should call my parents to inform them about my deviant behavior. I try the same story I had told Rusdi the previous day, but again it convinced no one.
He didn't end up calling my parents in front of me.
I still don't know who knows, because I know Risdi and Palani told people. I remember the next year the ladyboys or nyahs were close to me in many ways and invited me to their house many a times. They tried to ask me indirectly if I was like them but the actual question never came out.
I tried to play a macho role by always striping to my underpants to show that I am not wearing any panties (but I missed them a lot) when we were supposed to go for our exercises.
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